"Redneck" Etiquette

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

DINING OUT

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor...as the restaurant may
not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private....using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However,
if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook.....especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive! Let her know you're interested: Write "I've been wanting
to go out with you for two years now." on the local gas station bathroom
wall.

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
never.

4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance... such as,
"you sure don't sweat much."

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least; rent a tux. A leisure suit, with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt, can create too sporty of a look.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.

5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.

2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

3. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring back beer.

4. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle....especially when driving.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

THE MAIN REASON WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER

All the DNA is the same.