Diet anyone?

 I used to have a Labrador retriever, and I was buying a large bag of
 Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
 A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?)...  (here's your sign)...

 On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
 although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
 time, but  that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
 care ward with tubes coming out of most my orifices and IVs in both arms.
 I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, that the way that
 it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
 one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally
 complete... so I was  going to try it again.

 I have to mention here that practically
 everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,  particularly
 a guy who was behind her.

 Horrified, she asked if I had been poisoned by the food and that is why
 I ended up in the hospital.  I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
 hit me.

 I thought the checkout guy was going to die on the spot.