A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a
flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric
Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney
General said. "They derive solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values. They use secret code names like
'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong
to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country."
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
"There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and
toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a
more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It
is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow---
Saturday, January 23
TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK ...
Thursday, January 21
MN Winter Poem
WINTER Poem
It's winter in Minnesota
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Minnesota
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Minnesota
I'm frozen to the ground!
Tuesday, January 19
Mensa Invitational winners:
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, rendering the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts only until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high up.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug: Satan, in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot
be cast out.
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