TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK ...

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a
flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric
Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney
General said. "They derive solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values. They use secret code names like
'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong
to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country."

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
"There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and
toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a
more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It
is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow---