Things to know about

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that
everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door
opener. Now everyone thinks that I'm cool, too.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it,
"Pumping Rust".

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.... that's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you
got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an
emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do . . . write to these people? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them
while they delivered the mail?

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are
always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup
is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

How come we never hear any "father-in-law" jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife
told you to?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep
wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly
ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older.  Then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their finals. As
for me, I'm just hoping God grades on a curve rather than pass/fail.